White Rapper Showdown!

Posted on April 5, 2012 by jellybean

White people have a long, proud history of being really bad at things black people are good at.

From dancing, to basketball, to dreadlocks, nothing is more embarrassing for the rest of us cursed with a pasty complexion than watching one of our own trying and failing. And nowhere is this truer than in hip-hop. A bad white MC can make you feel more uncomfortable and awkward than that one time you were showing your grandmother how to check her emails when the really nasty porn you were watching the night before popped up on the screen.

“Vanilla Ice” is still the original sin that white people with even a casual interest in hip-hop must spend the rest of our mortal existence atoning for (and no, white people, Eminem doesn’t make up for him, not even The Slim Shady LP reconciles us for the musical debasement that was Ice, Ice, Baby). But even in the face of all reason and logic, more white people than ever are trying to carve a name for themselves in the rap game. So here is Primo! Magazine’s rundown three of the most interesting wiggers droppin’ rhymes.

T. Mills

Who else felt more than a hint of white guilt after watching the KONY2012 video? Well that is nothing compared with the sensation of white shame you will experience after you watch the autotuned bragga-douche-io that is T. Mills “She Got A…” But on the other hand, the dude had a threesome with a couple of babes I know who live in London, so… props.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbOIwsiJbbw]

Yelawolf

Yela bucks the trend. This guy is the business. Although he has been around for years, his first big release was “Pop the Trunk” in late 2012, which even copped some praise from Pitchfork, when they weren’t too busy being a drunk cheerleader, giving the entire OFWGKTA crew a big sloppy blowjob in the locker room. I know a lot of you are probably thinking, dude how can you say this guy is cool? He did a song with Kid Rock. Well, my answer to that is fuck you. Kid Rock is a hard-nosed, badass cowboy-pimp. You know how I know that? He wrote a song that says so.

Machine Gun Kelly

I don’t like Machine Gun Kelly. Here is another Yelawolf Track.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjF4eOnjCLE]