Top 15 Men’s Fashion Disasters from the 2000′s
Posted on May 18, 2012 by BeEasy
The 2000′s was a decade that left us with some fashion trends that we can look back on with some major embarrassment, especially if you, like myself, succumbed to some of the ‘hot’ fads that came our way during this time. It is only with hindsight that we can now go back in time and countdown the top 15 worst fashion disasters that were born in the ‘noughties’ and will continue to haunt us for some time to come. Join me as I prepare to tackle a whole lot of wackness.
15. Tees with a ‘sexy’ girl print/Osaka print tees
What is the deal here? Since when did every douche start thinking it was cool to rock the exact same shirt as the next douche? Pretty much as soon as I see some guy wearing one of these things, I run for the hills, cause I know they are going to be lame. Anyone who thinks it’s rad to rock a shirt with a semi-naked chick on the front with the word ‘WIFEY’ written underneath whilst walking hand in hand with their girlfriend is an idiot…and that goes for the girlfriend as well. And as for this Osaka business, I’m not sure how this even took off, but it seemed that if you weren’t wearing an Osaka 6 tee for a while there you just weren’t in. Osaka these nuts is how I feel.
Really? Bumbags? I thought come towards the end of the noughties that dudes would get some more sense about them. Surely they wouldn’t look at a bumbag and think, ‘yep, that’s a cool looking accessory, I bet that would look sick on me!’. How wrong I was. I think it was around mid 2009 that I first started to see the emergence of the bumbag, and even today in 2012 it is still flourishing. These horrors scream douchebag slash I’m a drug dealer yet guys still wanna rock them. Unbelievable.
13. Urban scarf/keffiyeh
These bad boys first came on the scene when Kanyeezy started rocking them at concerts and award shows. Don’t get me wrong, I have mad love for Ye, the guy is a genius, but he has definitely been responsible for some crazy fashion disasters. This included. The keffiyeh is actually traditional Arab headdress, yet somehow dudes thought it would look cool to start rocking them around their necks like a scarf and think it would be fresh. I got news for y’all…it looked ridiculous. Thank goodness these faded out fast.
12. Skate belt hanging out the front/studded belts
These come in as a tie for me. I couldn’t split them, and I am embarrassed to say that I was guilty of BOTH of these blunders. C’mon, I was young and stupid, what can I say? Having the skate belt hang down from the shorts was the shit for a while, and I used to wear my bright orange Volcom belt hanging low and proud! Then some years later, the new cool belt evolved into the studded masterpiece that is shown below. Again, I was a proud wearer of the studded belt, until I realised that I wasn’t a punk and I wasn’t cool.
I’ve always dug sweatbands, but only on one condition. Mike Jordan used to wear one on his arm when he was tearing guys apart on the basketball court, and I used to think it looked cool and I’d wear one when I played as well. Like Mike, if I could be like Mike. You know the song. I get the fact that they’re useful to athletes. What I don’t get is when dudes used to pull them out for everyday wear. If you’re not playing a sport, don’t put on a sweatband! Remember when the band wristbands came into fashion? And then the USA old school flag sweatbands? How did this become an acceptable form of fashion? I cringe at the thought. But hey, don’t feel too bad, even West Coast OG rapper Game got caught up in the trend, way back when he was going bar for bar with Curtis Jackson in G G G G G G-Unit!
10. The Faux Hawk
All I can do is shake my head and try and hide the photo evidence. Yes, it’s true, the faux hawk mania that swept through the Western world in the mid 2000′s took its grip on me and wouldn’t let go until I was in a hairdressers asking the lady to give me a cut that Beckham and every other cool person was currently sporting. I feel deep shame in this. Luckily I came to my senses pretty quickly and shaved it all off before I punched myself in the face. Sadly, some guys are still gelling up their faux hawk today and walking around like they’re some hard, macho homeboy. I look at these guys and wonder how could I have been so, so stupid. Let us not speak of this again.
9. Oversized designer sunglasses
This can actually apply to both men and women, but since we’re dealing with men fashion disasters, I’ll keep it on point. The fact is, guys actually look wayyyyyyy more lame than ladies wearing these shades simply for the fact it makes them look really feminine. I guess guys started rocking these to imply that they had money (the sunnies were usually made by Dior, Armani, Prada etc) but instead it made them look cheap and tacky. The lenses themselves were usually quite light so you could see the eyes, which to me kind of defeats the purpose of wearing sunglasses in the first place. Either that, or they were fitted with white frames, which just looks horrible. Thankfully this trend has just about died out, but for a while there, I was scared to where we were heading.
8. Polos with the collar popped
It was 2004. I was only a fresh 18 year old. Saturday night – gotta dress up to impress the girls right? Why not go with a Ralph Lauren polo? Everyone was wearing them. Plus it was a bit more dressy than just a t-shirt. Hey wait, how bout I just pop the collar to give off the vibe that I’m a swanky dresser yet still casual baby…wow. Again, another one bites the dust. Polos swooped on the fashion world in a huge way in the mid noughties, and soon every label around was producing every colour known to man. Of course, the new-age metro wasn’t afraid to rock the pink polo (again another Kanye influence) and pretty soon guys were looking for that extra edge. The answer? Not one, but two polos rocked with both the collars popped! Did this really happen? Yes. Was it a good look? Fuck no.
7. Chunky skate shoes
DC, es, Etnies, Globe, emerica, Lakai…in the early 2000′s these brands were dominating the shoe scene. The bigger, fatter and chunkier the better. We wanted tongues so big it became awkward to get around. The cooler shoes even came equipped with little air cells, just like Nike runners, only these were hip, the in thing. Paired with some white socks pulled up and you were on your way to coolness with a capital C. My favourite pair were the es Quattro. I wore those shoes to death. Oh how times have changed…thank the lord.
6. Old English writing/Southern Cross tattoos
I’m not sure who to blame for this one. I remember all the girls going crazy at school for Mr Sonny Bill Williams when they saw pictures of him shirtless with the big WILLIAMS sprawled across the top of his back in that disgusting print. Pretty soon it became the in thing to let people know your last name by inscribing it onto your body for eternity. I struggle to see how this could be seen as a cool thing to do, and luckily this fad disappeared pretty quickly. I’m a massive fan of tattoos, but can’t stand something as un-unique (is that a word?) as the last name on the back. Get creative already! Not much needs to be said about the dreaded Southern Cross tat. If you have one, I sincerely feel sorry for you. It screams I’m a bogan douche and doesn’t look good on anyone. In saying that, I do know a couple people who have these tattoos, and even they regret putting needle to skin.
Ahhhh the visor. A type of head piece that resembles a baseball cap that has been cut off at the top, this mockery became huge around 2001. Surf brands like Billabong, Rip Curl and Quiksilver cashed in on the craze as young kids to adults alike sported the visor with the customary spiked hair and chunky skate shoes. Some dudes decided to get really cool and tilt it to the side, like a bawssss. (Insert Rick Ross voice here) Then it just got plain ridiculous, when douches thought it would be awesome to wear the visor upside down and backwards. There are no words to explain how stupid this looked, yet for a small time in the 2000′s, this look was considered cool. Go figure. The only people who should be wearing visors are 70 year old women who play lawn bowls or professional golfers, and even then it’s walking a fine line. An honourable mention goes to the beanie with a brim on the side, similar to a hat. Are you kidding me? If you have a beanie on, why would a brim be acceptable on the side? What is the point in this? Someone please explain this concept to me.
4. Eyebrow piercings
I’ll admit this, but don’t tell anyone. In the year 2002, I thought it would be awesome to follow the lead of Daniel Johns from silverchair and get an eyebrow piercing. I can’t thank my Mum enough now for not allowing me to do so. What was I (and plenty of other seemingly sane kids) thinking?! This is not a good look on anyone, and reeks of tackiness and being a try-hard. It’s kinda sad to see guys today still rocking the eyebrow piercing, but in most cases they’re a lost cause, complete with a Chinese symbol tattoo and the beanie cap as mentioned above. I think I can safely say the coolest guy to sport the piercing was my main man Drazic (Callan Mulvey) from Heartbreak High…don’t act like you don’t know who I’m talking about. Shout out to the choker chains!
I’m not sure how long I can spend on this matter, as the thought of it makes me a little ill. I don’t care if they’re comfortable. I don’t care if you use them just around the house. If you wear Crocs, you’ve given up. Simple as that. You don’t care whatsoever on what you look like. These ‘shoes’ are a disgrace. It’s physically impossible to make these disasters look decent. It cannot be done. These vile pieces of work latched onto the fashion scene like a leech in 2002, and since then the company hasn’t looked back, reportedly earning more than $1 billion last year in sales. That alone is a sad thought. Who knew that creating a slip-on that looks like absolute s%#t would make three guys filthy rich? Kudos to them. But in all seriousness, if you own a pair of Crocs, or are even thinking of getting a pair, never talk to me. Ever.
2. Shutter shades aka Kanye sunglasses
Kanye West is Kanye West. He’s a musical icon and in turn has moulded himself into a fashion icon as well. Usually I have no complaints on the Yeezy front. But as I mentioned earlier, Mr West has been responsible for some fashion f*%*kups. The strongest case being the shutter shades he first rocked at the 2008 Grammys. I get it. It was a big show to a huge audience, and Yeezy had to stand out, and the shades were a novel idea at best. But then to my absolute horror, I started seeing these glasses pop up everywhere. It got to the point where my local 7-11 was selling them for $19.95 a pop. They’d taken over the world. Every douchebag in town started rocking them. I knew we were in trouble when Paris Hilton was spotted with them on. Not only did guys start rocking them in everyday life, they took it that step further and wore them in the club. At night. Inside. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was a good day when that trend died out as fast as it came in. Damn you Yeezy.
1. Ed Hardy & Von Dutch
Christian Audigier is perhaps singlehandedly the reason why the 2000′s will be looked upon as one of the worst decades of fashion and straight up wackness. This man bought to the masses the two brands that are synonymous with douchebaggery. Audigier was the Head Designer of the horrible Von Dutch brand in 2002, when it gained popularity with celebs such as Justin Timberlake and David Beckham. I am proud to say I never once considered putting one of those things on top of my head. I despised them and thought they were a joke. Yet more and more people joined the VD movement.
The trucker caps were everywhere, and I was feeling more and more nauseous. Von Dutch paved the way for douche bag promoting companies around the world. The hats were so ridiculously and obnoxiously over done that they were almost the perfect recipe for vomit. They had ‘cool’ clashing colors and fabrics, and in no way looked good on your dome. Ashton Kutcher was the Von Dutch master, and single handedly allowed the douche bag to feel comfortable outside the confines of his bedroom or bro’s house. Just disgusting.
Mr Audigier then decided he hated the world even more and moved onto Ed Hardy in 2004. What more needs to be said on this absolute tragic trend? I don’t think I have seen a brand embarrass itself more with the products they put out…but what makes me sick to my stomach is the fact that so many people ate it up. I thought for a while that I was being Punk’d when I saw this travesty take off. Most often featuring pictures of skulls, animals and flowers and sometimes with crystals or sequins sewn onto the shirts so one can look like a disco ball florist, these were the definition of ‘I’m a total dick’.
Ed Hardy consisted of ridiculously low quality garments for jacked up prices that had douches emptying out their fake Louis V wallets. A common phrase these idiots uttered was “don’t diss it if you can’t afford it.” Yeah, right, I wish I could afford to tell the world that there is no hope for me anymore. In a strange twist, many people now agree that Ed Hardy is the devil’s work. But don’t get too comfortable…there are still PLENTY of douches out there rocking Ed Hardy proudly. May God have mercy on their soul. Amen.